


Seelie Shenanigans

by Dabberdees



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: A companion becomes a cat, Crack Treated Seriously, Don't hand your name over to a Seelie after ruining their fairy ring, Gen, The Doctor gets a headache
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:55:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25961710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dabberdees/pseuds/Dabberdees
Summary: The Doctor has dealt with a lot of things in her long life. Daleks, Cybermen, tyrants, angry crabs, but this, well, this is new.And it seems the small, previously human cat, looking up at her agrees with that assessment.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Comments: 20
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smallstarfox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallstarfox/gifts).



"Simple instructions, Graham, I gave you _simple instructions_."

Now, of course, the Doctor doesn't actually get a reply from the unconscious man currently being dragged back towards the TARDIS by Ryan and Yaz. The younger two of the Fam huffing and puffing from his dead weight.

But that hasn't stopped her from ranting at him ever since they found in passed out in the centre of a fairy ring. No markings. A reasonably healthy scan from the sonic, low blood sugar the only real worrying concern.

"Don't wander off," She begins to list again for the fourth time. "Don't trample over a fairy ring," She glances back to Graham. "Don't give your name over to a feline Seelie."

"Don't you think he's had enough, Doctor?" Ryan grunts. "It was a mistake; it's not like he meant to walk over that thing-"

"It was glowing, Ryan."

"Okay, valid, but he still didn't mean to," Ryan states in defence of Graham. "Just lay off him 'cos all you're doing is working yourself up, and it's not like he can even respond."

"Ryan's got a point, Doctor," Yaz points out. "Let's just get him back to the TARDIS and then deal with whatever happens."

The Doctor stares at the two younger humans, tight expressions on their face as they both support Graham's weight. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Ryan says. "Let me berate him, but not before knowing that he's all right first."

The Doctor nods and doubles back to check over Graham. She lifts his head up and stares into his expressionless face. "He feels warm now, too warm."

"Don't we all feel warm to you, Doctor?" Yaz questions. "You said we're hotter than you are and I can feel it when you take my hand."

"Mhm," The Doctor murmurs before frowning. "He's hotter than he should be-" She rests a hand on Graham's forehead. "About two degrees hotter."

"Should we worry about that?" Ryan frets.

"Maybe, don't know, probably," The Doctor rambles. "Things like Fairies are-" Her face twists. "-difficult, abstract to your human ways, they work with their own set of laws, easy to wrong."

"So, what? They're not like Tinkerbell?"

"No," The Doctor says. "They're not even a part of this reality, but there are places where they can cross over, such as-"

"Fairy rings."

"Yup," The Doctor's brows furrow. "We need to get him to the TARDIS, so I can do a proper scan over him, make sure that he's not in any danger-"

"You mean he is in danger?" Ryan blurts out suddenly.

The Doctor looks to Ryan's fearful face. "The Seelie was feline," She presses her mouth into a thin line. "Tricksters, rather than malicious, could be anything or could be nothing," She sighs. "Come on, let's get a shift on, shall we?"

The remainder of the trek back to the TARDIS proved smooth sailing, _sorta_. Graham might have a cuddly exterior, but that cuddly exterior can get pretty tiring when you have to carry it through a mystical forest. Ryan stretches and groans. He shares a look with Yaz and spots the same expression on her face. They will be feeling this tomorrow whether they want to or not.

"Is he all right?" Ryan questions.

"I'm still figuring it out, Ryan," The Doctor replies. "Why isn't he waking up?"

"How'd you mean?" Yaz frowns, worry blooming in her chest for the older man.

The Doctor settles her sonic onto a side in the medical bay. "There's no reason as to why he should be unconscious, at least not for this long that is," She prods him in the face. "See? That should've stirred him because he's sleeping."

Ryan stares at his grandad, jacket now removed from him, leaving him in just his checkered shirt. "What is his temperature?"

"Thirty-nine degrees," The Doctor answers. "He should be in a fever, but he isn't, he's just-" She gestures at his body. "-unconscious." She goes to jab him in the face again and finds her hand batted away by a frowning Ryan. "What?"

"Don't jab him," Ryan tells her off. "You wouldn't like being jabbed."

"What if we go back to the fairy ring?" Yaz suggests with her arms folded. "We could ask what that creature did to him."

"No-"

"But, Doctor-"

"No, Yaz," The Doctor turns towards her. "If that creature has done whatever they've done to Graham, then they might do it to all of us as well," Yaz and Ryan share a concerned glance between them while the Doctor faces Graham once more. "No, I'll keep him in here, he's safe in the TARDIS."

"All right," Ryan agrees reluctantly. "I can stay here to-" A groan cuts Ryan's sentence off in an instant. "Gramps!"

"Graham," The Doctor breathes a sigh of relief. "What did I tell you when you left the-"

"Doctor," Ryan almost barks. "Lay off him and let him come to first then maybe he can tell us what actually happened."

Graham mumbles incoherently before opening his eyes and staring upwards. "Did I go out on the lash or something?" He questions. "Don't half feel like it."

"No, you didn't," Yaz informs. "You wandered off-"

"No, I didn't," Graham corrects with an unusual look at all of them, head tilted at an angle, eyes strangely focused. "One second you three were there, next thing I knew you weren't so I went looking for you and-" He frowns and sits up. "-well, I don't remember."

"You walked over a fairy ring when the Doctor told us to be careful."

"Oh," Graham blinks. "What's that?"

"Do you remember the instructions I gave you when you left the TARDIS, Graham?"

Graham screws his brows together and shrugs. "Nope!" He sits up quickly and swings his legs from the bed. "Tell you what-" He begins to push himself off the bed only to stop when the Doctor, Ryan, and Yaz gently hold him back. "-hey-"

"You were unconscious for hours, Graham," The Doctor stares at her friend in concern. "I need to know why-"

"But I want to get out," Graham states. "Wanna go to the kitchen, there's some ham I put in there that I want," He looks baffled for a moment. "Like, I really, really want it." He begins to push against the three of them again.

"Graham," The Doctor speaks in a low voice. "Can I check you over first?"

Graham stares at the Doctor, eyes narrowing. "I feel fine."

"Do you?" Ryan removes his hands from Graham when he feels the older man discontinue his pushing. "You're not usually this, uh, active? After waking up."

"The hunger and wanting to eat, though-" Ryan stares at Yaz. "What?"

"All right, fine, that is a great point and on-brand for him," Ryan concedes with a tiny smirk.

"See?" Graham smiles and finally pushes himself from the bed in one smooth motion, something that should've at least been worth one grunt from a man of his age. "I'm fine, hell, I feel _good_ -" He strides towards the door and stops at it before turning back around again. "You three coming?"

"Doctor?" Yaz looks towards her. "Should we just let him leave?"

The Doctor stares at Graham before relenting. "In a bit, Graham, go on ahead-"

"All right," Graham smiles and practically hops from the room.

"Okay, take away the urge to eat for a second," Ryan rubs a hand across his face and turns towards his friends. "Everything else about that was weird, wasn't it? I'm not just having a moment or something?"

"No, it was weird," Yaz agrees. "We've all slept in the same room at times when we travel and Graham has never been that eager to get up, let alone actively jumping from the bed."

The Doctor's nose scrunches. "It has to be a result of whatever the little Seelie did to him."

"You mean it actually-"

"They," The Doctor corrects Ryan. "Not it, Ryan, that's a sure-fire way to get yourself turned into a newt or frog."

"Sorry," Ryan apologises. "So, you mean they, what? Made Graham more-" He pauses to think for a second. "-uh, energetic?"

"Really don't know, Ryan," The Doctor pinches the bridge of her nose. "We need to follow him."

"Agreed," Yaz nods. "Figure out what he's doing."

They all exit from the medical bay and start to make their way towards the kitchen, each one poking their heads through the door to watch Graham.

"Is he-"

"Yeah."

Ryan steps into the room. "Why are you just eating from the packet like an animal?"

Graham spins and faces Ryan, eyes startled before narrowing. "It's my ham, not yours," He shields it away from his grandson. "I'm not sharing it."

"I don't want to eat something that had your hands all over it," Ryan points out with disgust. "Seriously," He shakes his head. "And you moaned at me for drinking from the milk."

"Milk?" Graham repeats and throws the ham to the side. "I want some milk."

"After eating nearly an entire packet of Tesco Value ham?"

Graham shrugs and turns around to open the fridge again. He frowns into it. "No milk."

Yaz slips into the kitchen, brows knitted together in concern. "We had the last of the milk this morning, remember?"

"Oh," Graham says disappointed. "I remember."

"Graham," Yaz flicks her eyes to Ryan to judge his expression before focusing back onto Graham. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Why wouldn't I feel okay?" Graham tilts his head at them. "I feel fine, wonderful actually," He looks pleased with himself. "Haven't felt like this in a while."

The Doctor steps in next, slipping past Yaz and making her way over to the counter. She eyes the packet of ham. "I think you should go back to the medical bay, Graham."

"Why?"

"We found you unconscious," The Doctor informs him. "And you don't remember why."

"But I feel fine, just-" Graham shuffles on his feet. His hands tap at his side from unreleased energy. "-anyone else feel-"

"Feel?"

"Hot, no-" Graham frowns and leans down on the table. "-not that, uh-" He waves his hand in the air. "Fuzzy?"

"Fuzzy?"

The Doctor walks forward and presses a hand against the older human. "He's still warmer than he should be," She pulls her hand back and stares at it. "Right, back to the-"

"No," Graham shakes his head and pushes himself from the table. "I just need to sleep, yeah, sleep-" He mumbles more to himself. "-don't wait up-"

"Gramps, you need to-"

"No, Ryan," The Doctor interjects with a look. "Let him go back to his room; the TARDIS will lead him to the medical bay."

"But, Doctor-"

The Doctor walks towards Ryan and starts to speak in a low tone. "I can keep an eye on him from-"

"You don't need to keep an eye on me, and I'm not going to the medical bay no matter what your ship wants," Graham's head snaps to them. "I'm perfectly fine."

"Okay," Ryan points at Graham. "Something is deffo up 'cos there's not a chance in hell he should've heard what you just said, Doctor."

"No, I agree," The Doctor nods. "Graham, I think you really should come back to the medical bay-" She begins to approach the man with raised hands. "-just to check you out, okay?"

Graham stares at her. "No, no-" He moves away, heading towards the corner of the kitchen. "I just need-" He rubs at his face. "-I feel-"

"What do you feel like, Graham?" Yaz probes as she places herself in the doorway to the kitchen. "We're your family, you can tell us."

Graham paces in circles, eyes unfocused. "Fizzy, like-" He stops and clicks his fingers a few times. "-Like-" He laughs, manic. "You know, I once took- no," Graham shakes his head again. "No, Yaz is a police officer."

The Doctor decides enough is enough and she rushes forward, hands reaching out to Graham's face and grabbing it. "Go to sleep, Graham," She orders, catching him as he sags against her. "Good lad."

"Medical bay?" Yaz voices.

The Doctor nods. "Yup."

Ryan crouches down and stares at his grandad. "That was scary."

The Doctor locks her eyes on Ryan's frightened face. "He's all right now; he's just sleeping-"

"But you made him drop like a sack of potatoes-"

"I just made it so he fell asleep, Ryan," The Doctor catches on to what Ryan meant. "I don't make a habit of doing that."

"Will he be okay?"

"I don't know," The Doctor admits because she won't promise he will be okay. "If the Seelie wanted him hurt he'd be hurt, but-"

"But?" Yaz echoes after the pause.

"They did something to him," The Doctor shuffles the older human in her grip. "And I intend to find out what it was."

\----

The night proved to be uneventful compared to the day. Ryan and Yaz stayed and watched, helped out when asked, but stayed back for the majority of the Doctor's tests.

Tests that proved _nothing_.

And now they've headed off to bed leaving her to continue.

The Doctor rests her head in her hands because she's quite frankly _annoyed_ now _._

Mainly at herself more than anything. This should've been easy, a quick scan from the sonic, maybe a tablet once she figured it out, but nothing. Every scan and test she could've done resulted in the same answer.

Human Male. Fifty-Nine. Scarring and damage from chemotherapy. Other than that healthy for a man of his age.

Apart from the irritating body temperature, that is. 

Thirty-nine degrees.

It's been hours, and there isn't a sign of fever, but there is a bothersome presence in her mind that that, is important.

And a massive clue as to what is going on with her older human friend.

Right.

He doesn't seem to be getting worse, and he's still out cold from her command, so maybe, just maybe, she can step away for a bit and tinker at the console to ponder the conundrum.

\----

Meanwhile, Graham is quite frankly having the _strangest_ dream he's ever had. He's small and in a forest. The trees and plants around him look gigantic, hell, even the bugs fluttering about are bigger.

Somehow.

And what's more concerning is the peculiar urge to chase them. He shakes his head in the dream and proceeds forward, which is just as weird as everything else in his opinion.

It's like he's-

Like he's crawling?

But at the same time, it doesn't feel like _that_. He's far too bouncy to be crawling.

Either way, he's moving in a direction-

A direction that is starting to look _very_ familiar to him.

"Graham O'Brien," That mix-matched voice says and damn it, Graham really does know that voice.

"Uh-" Graham replies dumbly.

"I've dealt with many humans," The voice purrs. "But you were, by far, the easiest to get a name out off."

"Thanks, I guess," Graham frowns. "Why is everything big?"

Oh, good job, Graham, fantastic question.

"It's not," The voice says before there's a thud next to Graham, causing him to jump.

"Don't do-" Graham begins and then stops when he finds himself staring directly at a cat. "You're a talking cat."

Yeah, no, this is definitely the weirdest dream he's-

"It's not a dream, Graham O'Brien," The cat smiles. Actually smiles and now Graham finds himself feeling like Alice talking to the Cheshire Cat. "You ruined my mushrooms."

"I'm beginning to think I've taken some mushrooms," Graham blinks and sits down. He feels an object curl around his feet. "This would explain the fever dream."

"As I said," The cat tilts their head. "Not a dream."

"Right," Graham replies unconvinced. "Fine, not a dream."

"Good," The cat grins again. "I think you will enjoy your new body."

"What?"

"Energetic, younger," The cat starts to circle around Graham. "It's not a bad life."

Graham follows the cat around in a circle. "What are you talking about?"

The cat leans in. "Why don't you wake up and find out?"

"What is that meant to mean?"

"Wake and find out."

The next thing Graham knows is darkness, the world tumbling out from him and then light, bright, assaulting light and annoying sounds. He groans and tries to rub at his eyes.

 _Tries_.

But it's weird, odd and damn it, did he just scratch himself? Since when were his nails sharp like-

-

-

-

-

"Oh, that's not good, that's so not good," Graham says to himself, which, too him, sounds like that, but if anyone else were stood in the room with him, well, it would've sounded more like.

_"Meow?"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're reading my long fic prison break i'm having a bit of a think about it because it's gonna be a big chapter because it's coming to an end with that one
> 
> if you're reading my series twelve au from spyfall then I'm also having a think about that because it takes a lot of research to write that sort of injury

Fixing the console usually helps with thinking for the Doctor, but on this occasion, it's just not working, and her mood has now fallen into the gutter and is currently being washed into the sewers.

She sighs and sits up with a huff. "You're no help," The Doctor says with a glance towards the central column. Her eyes narrow when the TARDIS scoffs at her. "When you tell your friends not to wander off you expect them not to wander off-"

The TARDIS makes a series of noises, laughing and poking fun at the Doctor mainly.

"Take that back!" The Doctor stands all too quickly and winces. She rubs at her head. "Stood up to fast- You can be quiet, and you can stop laughing."

The TARDIS continues to find amusement.

"They don't all wander off-" The Doctor tries to defend her chosen friends. "Okay, most do-" Pause. "Fine, they all do, but Graham- well, he-" She stops, frowning. "Did you just meow at me?"

The TARDIS seems as surprised as she is to hear a small meow coming from inside her.

"Well, I didn't- There it is again!" The Doctor shouts. "I wonder where it is- Ow!" She looks down when she feels a slap against her exposed leg and locks eyes with a small grey-ish white cat, blue eyes, fluffy ears, a frowning face. "Oh!"

They stare at one another for a couple more seconds before the grey cat starts chattering and screaming.

Oh, if only she spent time learning cat.

"Slow down," The Doctor crouches down. "What are you doing in here? I don't remember getting a cat, well," She frowns. "Maybe my sixth self got a cat; he always did- Ow!" She pulls her hand back and stares at it. "You bit me."

The cat begins meowing again, eyes narrowing at her.

"You're a very rude cat," The Doctor scowls at the beast. "No biting on the TARDIS."

The cat sighs and sits down.

The Doctor rocks back on her heels for a moment before gingerly reaching out and hovering her hand over the cats head. The cat eyes her hand suspiciously. "I won't hurt you," She plops it onto the cats head and begins stroking the cat, making sure to tickle the ears. "See-"

The cat, on the other hand, freezes, eyes widening and for a split second all she gets in her mind is a-

_"Doc, don't bloody stroke me, that's weird, and I do not like it."_

The Doctor yanks her hand back like she's been burnt. "What did you just say?"

The cat wishes that the woman in front of it could understand, but she can't so instead it rolls its eyes in a way that screams 'I'm not a bloody cat, you daft alien.'

"Oh-"

The cat sits and waits.

"I think I- Oh," The Doctor's eyes widen. "Thirty-nine degrees, the Seelie was a cat, Graham was scoffing down ham, well that might be on par for- no, not important, what is important is-" She slaps a hand against her forehead. "Doctor, you are an idiot! A great big idiot from thick-town-" She stares at the cat again before picking the now wriggling cat up and plopping him down onto the console. "Don't touch anything, Graham, and I know it's you now, why didn't you say anything?"

Graham gives her a withering stare and decides to wack a lever in protest.

"What did I just say?"

Graham slow blinks at her.

"Don't play the cat role with me, mister," The Doctor pulls out her sonic and points it at Graham. She turns it on and takes the data she needs while Graham flattens his ears to his head. "Sorry, that's probably quite obnoxious."

That's another withering glare aimed at her.

"Nearly done."

Graham growls, and the Doctor looks at him in surprise. "Did you just growl at me?" Graham turns his head away from her, missing the raised eyebrow aimed at him. "Anyway," The Doctor pulls the sonic away. "I should have enough now."

Graham tilts his head at her and begins the cascade of meows again.

"I don't understand you, unless-"

"Mew?"

"I could-" The Doctor inserts her sonic into the console before looking at Graham. "The TARDIS is going over the scan, Graham, should have something figured out soon, in the meantime, I have an idea-"

Graham mews his puzzlement again.

"Should help with that-" The Doctor points at her throat. "-perhaps, maybe, it's around here somewhere, I'll be right back-"

Graham narrows his eyes at her before growing very bored very quickly. He stands up and pads around the console, stopping a few times to mess around with easy to hit controls before coming to rest at the custard cream dispenser.

He leans down to it and smells, pulling back in an instant to sneeze when biscuit dust tickles his sensitive nose.

Graham sits down again and sighs. He had his moment of panic in the medical bay, and his moment of embarrassment when he tried jumping off the bed and promptly landed on his chest.

So much for cats always landing on their feet.

And don't get him wrong, the panic is still unquestionably there, he's just shoved it down because there's at least a part of him that is still convinced that this is just an elaborate dream.

_A very real dream that should be-_

"Uh-" Graham stands and spins to face the distinct voices, eyes comically wide. "-did the Doctor get a cat or something?"

"No," Graham states, horror flashing through him. He stares at Ryan and Yaz as they make their way over to the console.

"Well, how did it get in here?" Ryan frowns at Yaz. "We've not gone back to Sheffield, and we'd know if she had a cat."

"Do you think it has something to do with the thing Graham interacted with?"

"What?" Ryan scoffs. "They gave the Doctor a cat? I thought the Doctor said it would affect Graham-"

"Unfortunately, it seems it probably has affected me," Graham grumbles. "Not that you can understand what the hell I'm saying-"

"It's very talkative."

Graham frowns at Yaz. "I'm not talkative-"

"I wonder where the Doctor is?"

"Maybe she's gone to check up on, Graham," Ryan suggests. "It was like he was high yesterday; hopefully, he's better today."

"Somehow, I don't think I am better today," Graham muses because freaking out won't help anyone.

"Wait," Ryan rests a hand on Yaz's arm. "You don't think this is the Seelie thing that the Doctor was talking about?

"Maybe."

"No."

Yaz says and Graham meows.

"It's a bit weird, though," Ryan states. "Do you think I can stroke it?"

"I'd rather you didn't," Graham shuffles backwards.

"Doesn't seem like it likes you," Yaz teases Ryan before she too reaches out.

Graham backs away again and promptly falls off the console into another heap.

"Hey, Yaz," Ryan snorts. "If I was a cat that would be me."

"Leave it alone," Yaz says. "We probably scared it, the poor thing."

"Hardly," Graham grumbles. "Just not keen on you lot touching me if I'm honest." He scoots under the console because it's dark and safe.

The Doctor chooses that moment to stroll back in with her prize in her hand. "Ryan, Yaz," She says before frowning when she doesn't spot Graham. "Where did Graham go? I told him not to move-"

"No, you told me not to touch anything," Graham calls out from under the console. "Big difference, Doc."

"There he is-" The Doctor strides forward and kneels down so she can look under the console. "Come out, Graham."

"No," Graham shakes his head. "And I don't mean in the closet sense of the word either, already out in that sense."

Ryan shares a glance with Yaz. "Has she gone mental?"

"A long time ago, Ryan," The Doctor helpfully informs. "Graham, come on-"

"No," A small meow comes out from under the console.

"I found what I needed," The Doctor informs the previously human, but now a cat. "The sooner I put this on, the sooner we can talk instead of you meowing and screaming."

"I do not scream."

"Yes, you do," The Doctor points out. "You're screaming now."

"Okay, Yaz," Ryan stares at the scene. "I think she's lost it completely-"

"You know what," Yaz shakes her head. "Maybe you should join Graham in the-"

"Right," The Doctor says, completely ignoring Yaz in favour of reaching under the console and pulling the struggling cat out. She succeeds, superior strength, opposable thumbs-

"I will throw up in your shoes," Graham yells in displeasure as he's dumped back onto the console. "One morning you're gonna put on your boot, and then it'll be wet, and you will deserve it like my old cat did to me back in 2008."

"Are you quite done?"

Graham scowls at her. "Yes."

"Good," The Doctor frowns. "I take that was a yes, oh, should've worked out a one for no, two for yes rules-" She scrunches up her nose at on Graham. "Meow twice for yes-"

"Piss off."

"Good," The Doctor smiles. "We're on the same page now."

"We're really not."

"Doctor," Yaz ventures uncertainly. "Who are you talking to?"

"Graham."

"That's a cat."

"A cat that is Graham," The Doctor glances towards them. "The Seelie did this, figured it out, explains why his body temperature was thirty-nine."

"And how do you know this?"

"Long story," The Doctor waves them off. "Anyway-" She pulls out the object in her hand. "This will make it so we can understand each other-"

Graham eyes the band. "Oh, no," He shakes his head. "I am not wearing a flipping collar."

"It's telepathic, Graham," The Doctor explains. "I hooked up to the TARDIS translation circuits ages ago, always fancied a cat as my sixth self."

"I'm not your cat."

"That was four meows, Graham," The Doctor points out. "We said one or two-"

"Go away."

"Was that a hiss?" Ryan's eyebrow raises.

Graham sighs again. "Do it."

The Doctor accepts the two defeated mews as a yes and begins to fasten the collar around Graham's neck, making sure to leave enough room for the human-cat to breathe. "One, two, three, four- go ahead, Graham, say something."

"You're an asshole."

"That's rude."

"Wait-" Ryan points at Graham. "That's-"

"Do keep up, Ryan," The Doctor says. "Yes, it's Graham-"

"Oh my days," Ryan stares at Graham with saucer-wide eyes. "You're a bloody cat!"

"Technically, he's a kitten judging by these results-" The Doctor helpfully informs when she looks towards the screens. "A healthy six-month-year-old kitten."

"Oh, that's even funnier-"

"Ryan," Yaz shakes her head at her friend. "Your grandad is a cat, and you're laughing-"

"I'm not laughing," Ryan corrects. "But it is kinda funny-"

"It won't be funny when you don't have anyone to cook your damn dinner for you," Graham states in indignation. "I take it you can all understand me now?" A chorus of affirmatives ring out from the three. "Cos I want this fixed and I want it fixed now."

The Doctor presses her lips into a thin line.

"Doc?"

"Mhmm?"

"You can fix this-"

"Yeah, possible, maybe-" The Doctor's nose scrunches up. "20% chance."

"Oh," Graham stares at her. "Well, that's fucking great."

"Oi!" The Doctor glares at Graham. "No swearing-"

"Yeah, Graham," Ryan snorts. "You're six-months-old; you shouldn't be swearing at that age-"

"Ryan, I will literally bite you and blame it on being a cat."

"Kitten-"

"Right, that's it-"

"Boys!" Yaz almost shouts. "Seriously."

Graham looks at Yaz and backs down again. "Tell him to stop being a prat then 'cos this is serious," He explains. "I'm a bloody human, not a cat and I quite like having thumbs if I say so myself."

Ryan nods and looks ashamed for a moment. "Sorry, gramps," He says. "Got caught up in the moment."

"It's fine," Graham sighs. "And I get it-" He frowns for a second. "Do either of you have a mirror?"

"Why?"

"I, uh," Graham flounders. "I tried looking in the one in the medical bay, but it was on the counter."

"Didn't you try jumping?"

"Oh, yeah," Graham replies sarcastically. "Thought you know what, after falling off the bed, the next thing I should try doing is jumping-"

"Sorry-"

"Yeah, well," Graham stands and turns, tail flicking around. "What do I look like?"

"You're grey-"

"Thanks, I can see that."

"With a white chin and tummy, you even have white socks on your feet," Yaz answers. "What does a cat see like?"

"Surprisingly, it looks the same," Graham shrugs or tries to as a cat. "Colourblindess seems to be how cats see anyway."

"Wait," Yaz stares at Graham. "You're colourblind?!"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Oh, like, hi Yaz, my name is Graham O'Brien, and I'm colourblind?" Graham voices. "It never came up."

"But back on Orphan Fifty-Five, we had those oxygen tanks that had colour indicators."

"Yaz, cockle," Graham says. "I'm fifty-nine, or I was fifty-nine-" He glares at the Doctor like it's her fault. "-and I dealt with it for years, it was fine, I knew what I was doing."

"All right," Yaz agrees. "Sorry."

"No harm," Graham reassures. "Now, enough about that," He looks at the Doctor. "Any ideas?"

"Plenty."

"Good," Graham settles himself into a comfy position. "Tell me them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> during most of that no one understood graham until he had the collar on
> 
> it all came out like meows and chirps and brrrr basically all cat sounds which i base on my own cat who is a HUGE chatty kathy, honestly, she has to tell you about her day and it'd be rude not to respond with a "no! she did not! i hope you took that to HR-" meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow- rinse and repeat
> 
> oh yeah!
> 
> graham is always bisexual in my fics, i just don't tag it all the time and he's colourblind because bradley walsh is red/green colourblind irl


	3. Chapter 3

Graham stares long and hard at the Doctor. "Is that it?"

"What?"

"You said you had plenty of ideas, but none of them was about fixing this mess," If he could, he would gesture down at himself. "I don't want to be stuck like this forever, Doc, and I was kinda hoping you'd have an idea about how this could be fixed."

"Yeah, and as much as I do find this funny I'm kinda in agreement, Doctor," Ryan tacks onto the end of Graham's sentence. "I can't have a cat as a grandad."

"And more importantly," Yaz draws their attention to herself. "Graham has friends, real people who will ask where he's gone, what are we going to tell them?"

Graham's eyes widen, the cat-eye slits becoming round as he turns back to the Doctor. "Can I speak to them, tell them that I've gone back to Essex to help out with family and stuff? No one knows if I have any there, they'd believe it."

"Afraid you can't, Graham."

"Why not?"

"They'll just hear meowing down the line," The Doctor explains. "We only understand what you're saying due to the collar you're wearing, and because we've travelled in the TARDIS, the others haven't."

"But why won't they be able to understand-"

"Did you listen to me earlier?"

Graham's eyes narrow. "Something, something, translation circuits, something, something, I always wanted a cat-" His tail flicks in annoyance at the memory. "I stopped listening 'cos I ain't your cat," He stares at them all again. "Oh, and as we're at it, please don't pick me up 'cos it's weird, and I don't like it, but that's mainly aimed at the Doc."

"I just needed you to-"

"There's asking," Graham suggests. "I'm still very much who I am, and I don't want to be picked up 'cos I'm human."

"That's fine, Graham," Yaz agrees. "We'll ask you before we do anything, we don't want to make things uncomfortable for you."

"Good, glad that's settled," Graham nods. "Now, Ryan, son," He looks at his grandson. "Can you drop a text to Freddy and Gabe just telling them what I said 'cos they'll knock on the door otherwise, and I don't want to see them if I don't have to."

"All right, sure," Ryan frowns. "Uh, where's your phone?"

"It's in the medical bay," Graham answers. "With my- Oh god," He stumbles backwards and jumps from the console, landing half-decently for a man who's just become a cat, before darting back under the console again.

"Uh, Graham?" Yaz crouches down and peers into the low light; she leans back when she spots to pairs of reflective eyes staring back at her. "What's up?"

"Nothing."

"You jumped from the console and darted under there."

"I like it under here."

"Graham," Yaz says in a tone that clearly makes everyone know she doesn't believe that for a second. "What is the matter?"

"Nothing-"

"Graham," Yaz says again like one would to an actual cat. "We're not stupid, and if something is wrong, you need to tell us so we can help you."

"It's embarrassing," Graham mutters. "And I didn't realise."

"Realise what?"

Graham inches forward. "My phone is with my clothes," He stares unblinking at Yaz. "And my clothes are not with me."

"Oh," Yaz finally catches on to Graham's issue. "Uh, well-" She glances over her shoulder to Ryan and the Doctor, eyes imploring them to help her out.

They don't. The former finding interest in the ceiling, and the latter flicking a lever on the console.

She sighs and turns back around again. "You have a collar on."

"Oh, great, a collar," Graham snarks from the darkness. "I feel _really_ covered up by that."

"You have fur as well," Yaz points out. "That's like clothes, isn't it?"

"Not really," Graham mumbles.

"Well, you can't stay under there, Graham," Yaz states. "I doubt the TARDIS wants you living under there."

There's a noise of agreement through the console room.

"See?" Yaz smiles. "It's fine, you have fur, and you're kinda a cat, it's different."

Graham huffs and slowly pads out from under the console. He sits on the floor and looks miserable. "Can we go home, Doc?" He asks.

"You sure?"

"I just wanna go back home and mope if I'm honest," Graham mumbles. "Feel better if I can do that in my own bedroom and not here."

"Okay," The Doctor nods. "I'll figure this out, Graham, I promise I will."

Graham nods and goes back to looking like a sad cat. Eyes downcast and aimed at the floor.

And Yaz has to fight every urge in her body from reaching out and petting him on the head. She stands up and heads over to Ryan instead, gently taking him by the arm and leading him from the console room.

"Yaz?"

"Let's get his phone," Yaz says. "And send those texts off for him, do you know his password?"

"Yeah," Ryan nods. "I set it up for him 'cos he didn't know how to do it, but I think I might need to set it so it unlocks via his, uh, new face now as well."

"Yeah," Yaz nods as she gestures for Ryan to enter first. She allows him to get the phone rather than digging through Graham's personal items herself. "There was another reason I came with you," Ryan glances up with a perplexed look. "He's a cat, Ryan; they require care."

"Well, maybe physically, but he's still a human, ain't he?"

"No," Yaz shakes her head. "He's not human, he might be mentally, but his body isn't, and his body needs things that he might not even think about."

"What are you getting at?"

"Have you ever owned a cat before?" Yaz questions. "When me and Sonya were little, my parents had an old cat, so I lived with one, we took turns feeding him."

Ryan finishes off the texts to Graham's mates, quietly proud that he's managed to make them sound like his grandad. He even made sure to sign off with his name. He pockets Graham's phone and focuses on Yaz now. "I'm lost, mate, explain to me what you mean."

"You saw how he was with the clothes," Yaz rubs a hand across the back of her neck. "He's going to attempt to do stuff and then realise he can't and then get upset, and that's not to mention that he shouldn't be eating food for humans-"

"He can have ham and stuff, that's meat, I could make him sandwiches-"

"No, you can't, Ryan," Yaz shakes her head. "Cats need a delicate diet, add in the wrong things, and he'll become sick."

"Fine, then we just stick with ham and chicken and stuff, no sandwiches."

"That's fine for a while, but it's not forever, Ryan," Yaz points out. "We can't just feed him ham as his meals; he needs more than that."

"Wait," Ryan clicks on to what Yaz is hinting at. "Oh, he's not going to like that, Yaz, he really won't."

"It doesn't have to be the rubbish stuff; we can get the higher priced food, maybe even search about a raw diet that we can make."

"He won't eat raw food."

"He might," Yaz counters with a look. "We don't know anything right now without trying it first."

Ryan taps his hands against his legs. "Okay, but not today, let him just eat whatever we have in the house and then we can decide on what we do about his diet."

"And about the other stuff that he needs," Yaz adds on. "He's reliant on us, Ryan, even if he won't admit that," She runs a hand down her face. "There's a lot we need to do."

Ryan nods. "I get it," He grimaces. "Oh, I laughed and didn't think about what this would actually mean, I dunno, I kinda assumed the Doctor could fix it quickly and she can't."

"She will," Yaz says with faith. "But in the meantime, we can make life easier for, Graham."

"Yeah," Ryan agrees. "Probably should google cat care then."

"Sounds a wise idea," Yaz smiles slightly. "As soon as we get back to Sheffield I'm going to head over to the pet shop to get stuff; I'll try to keep it away from Graham, but I don't think I'll be able to."

"Good plan," Ryan nods and exhales. "And yeah, you can try to keep it away from him, but you won't be able to 'cos usually when I come home with shopping he's snooping through the bags in search of snacks the moment my back is turned."

"I'll keep that in mind then," Yaz laughs. "This will be an interesting experience I must admit."

Ryan nods his agreement before gesturing for Yaz to leave first.

\----

Thankfully, landing in Sheffield proved easy for once.

 _Sorta_.

The one time Graham wished the Doctor would land in his house would be right now, but no, she had to be a decent pilot and land right outside Yaz's flat.

Which is why Ryan is currently holding him as they walk the short distance to his house. They decided it'll be safer.

But it's _humiliating_.

What with people stopping to ask about him like he can't understand what they're saying, to them reaching out and stroking the top of his head, which only made him bury his head into Ryan's shoulder.

And all of that turned out to be the wrong thing to do because it only made them worse because now, he's a 'Good boy' and he'll never live that down. He's gone from miserable to downright upset now.

"Ryan," Graham mutters into his grandson's jacket. "I want to go home."

Ryan looks as uncomfortable as Graham feels. "We have to head home now," He speaks to the two women. "He's tired, and I was just taking him 'round the neighbourhood with my friend."

"He's an adorable cat," The woman that Graham never bothered to look at or acknowledge speaks. "Did you just get him?"

"Uh, yeah, last week," Ryan answers. "But it's been a bit of a busy day for him-"

"Yeah," The Doctor swoops in for the rescue. "We just want him to settle down now."

"I'm not a-" Graham begins before sighing. "Just get them to go away so I can go and sulk."

Thankfully, they seem to get the message and shuffle off, leaving the three of them to exhale. Ryan begins powerwalking towards his house, determined not to get stopped again. "Doctor, can you get the door for me."

The Doctor nods and lets them in with a buzz of the sonic. "When did Yaz say she was getting back?"

"About an hour," Ryan answers as he gently places Graham on the floor. He frowns after the human-cat when he leaves without saying a word; the only sound coming from him is his pads up the stairs. "He didn't like that at all, but it wasn't like we could tell them to stop 'cos he looked like a cat to them."

"No, we couldn't," The Doctor shuts the door and looks guilty. "I tried landing the TARDIS in his house, but she wasn't having it, it was the closest I could get."

"Not your fault," Ryan sighs. "He'll be all right in a bit, I hope," He faces the Doctor. "I'll stick the kettle on while we wait for Yaz."

"She won't be long, then?"

"Nope," Ryan glances towards the Doctor as she follows him to the kitchen. "Just gone to get some stuff that we will need."

The Doctor nods, accepting the answer for what it is.

\----

Graham settles himself on his bed and lies still, breathing in the different scents dotted around. It's a distraction and one he needs even if that means he's smelling himself properly for the first time.

At least he smells nice, well, at least his human body smells nice and being curled up in the centre of his bed is definitely comforting.

He shuts his eyes and drifts into a cat-nap.

Something he really does need after his busy day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little bit oof but graham is fine, he's curled up into a ball and is probably purring


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the late update!

There's birdsong in the air and the smell of forests all around him—damp mossy rocks poking out from the babbling stream nearby he assumes.

And all Graham can do is groan and bury his head under his fluffy arm because he knows this place all too well.

"I know you're awake, Graham," That voice speaks from all around him once again. Graham huffs and untangles himself from the comforting ball he found himself in. "Good."

Graham stares at the black cat with ethereal golden eyes in dislike.

"Oh, Graham, don't pout."

"Turn me back into a human."

"Why?"

"What?" Graham frowns. "Why'd you say why for?"

"Why'd you say why for?"

"Don't repeat what I'm saying."

"You're no fun," The cat moans. "And the answer to your question is a resounding-" An incredibly long and painful pause later. "-no."

"What? Why not?"

"I said no, Graham," The cat shrugs and stands up. "This is a lesson for you, don't trample my things and you won't become a cat."

Graham watches as the cat moves away, and he quickly picks himself up and begins to follow after them. "But I'm not a bloody cat!"

The cat turns and looks Graham up and down. "You look like a cat to me, grey and white, blue eyes, even have the kitten fur-"

"Don't get smart with me."

"Don't anger me," The cat growls. "And don't tell me what to do because you'll find that I hold all the power here, something that your Doctor can't help you with because this is between you and me and not them."

Graham baulks, his ears flattening down to his head at the tone of voice. He backs off more on instinct rather than rational thought. "I'm sorry," He whispers in a low voice.

"What for exactly?"

"Your mushrooms," Graham offers. "I didn't mean to ruin them, and I didn't mean to anger you, the Doc said you're unpredictable."

"Maybe so," The cat speaks in a gentler tone now. "But you still have to be punished for it."

"But why?" Graham questions. "I said sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't bring back what I made or spent time on," The cat points out. "And you really haven't given this life a thorough thought yet, have you? You're still holding out on those horrid human limitations, I mean seriously, two legs? Pointless when you can have four."

"Because I am human," Graham reminds. "And I liked having thumbs."

" _Boring_ ," The cat flops down next to the babbling brook. "Come and lie with me, look at the world around you through new eyes-"

"This is a dream; how can I look at the world?"

"Is it?"

"Uh-" 

The cat pats the ground next to it and Graham pads over, sitting down stiffly. "You're dreaming, that is true, but it's not a dream."

"That makes no sense."

"Spoken like a human with a limited brain."

"You're very rude," Graham mutters as he sighs and settles himself down and away from the Seelie. "Am I stuck like this forever?"

The cat looks over to him, eyes drilling into his soul. "You have to learn."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Doesn't it?"

Graham looks frustrated. "You speak in riddles."

The cat laughs at that before beginning to lick themselves.

Graham watches what they're doing in bewilderment. "Why don't you just go in the river to clean yourself?" The cat, if they could, raises an eyebrow at Graham. "It's right there, but you're cleaning yourself like a cat would."

"Because I am a cat."

"You're a Seelie-"

"And a cat."

"But-"

"You really are dense, aren't you?" The cat states. "Humans are, actually, two-legged things are, yes, even your Doctor is dense."

"I should be offended at that," Graham admits. "But considering I know a few people with two legs in charge of countries that, well, yeah, no that is fair."

"Two legs are dense, but you have four now, you can learn," The cat shrugs and rolls over to bat at the air. "You should probably wake up now."

Graham removes his eyes from the movement of the paws and frowns at the Seelie. "And how do I do that if you're busy chin-wagging with me?"

The Seelie huffs, and in an instant, Graham finds his world has turned black before his eyes snap open and he's now staring around his room.

His human bedroom with his human smells and his human clothes-

"I should probably tell the Doc about that," Graham muses as he stands and stretches, front legs stretched out in front of him, and tail pointed in the air. He turns his head and stares at the tail, swishing it back and forth. "That's well weird and something that I might not get-"

His head snaps to his bedroom door when he hears the front door click open, which is then quickly followed by Yaz's voice and the rustle of bags. Graham hops from the bed and struts to the top of the stairs. He peeks around the corner to stare at his friends and family.

"So, did you get it?"

Oh, this comes in handy. He can hear without having to strain himself, and they haven't even noticed him yet.

"Yes," Yaz exhales. "Had to deal with so many questions, though, like what is his name, how old is he, are you getting him fixed-"

Fixed? What the bleeding hell does that mean?

"Did it cost much?"

"That doesn't matter, Ryan-"

"No, it does,"

Cost much? Graham ponders what this could mean.

"Ryan, mate, Graham is Graham, I don't mind buying or paying for food-"

Food? Oh, speaking about food Graham is hungry, or at least he thinks he's hungry, it's a bit different than what he felt as a human, but hunger is hunger after all.

"Yeah, but Graham could buy it, you know, the stuff is for him after-"

"What is for me?" Graham demands as he makes his way down the stairs, he tries to read the side of the bags in Yaz's hands, eyes turning wide when he spots the logo. "Why do you have Pets at Home bags?" He asks with growing horror.

"We, uh-"

"We thought you might need stuff that is for, you know," Ryan gestures towards Graham awkwardly. "Cats."

"But I ain't a cat."

"You kinda are at the moment."

"What's in the bags?"

Yaz glances down to them, arms straining from the weight. She places the bags on the ground and looks embarrassed. "Kitten related items."

"Such as?"

"Scratching post-"

"I am not a bloody cat, why the hell do I need a scratching post for?" Graham splutters. "Yaz, cockle, don't waste your money on that-"

"You might need it, though, gramps-"

"Why?"

"Dunno," Ryan looks just as awkward as Yaz does. "There's other stuff-"

"Like what?" Graham trots towards the bags and begins pawing at them. He grows annoyed and looks up at Ryan with a pleading face.

"Okay, that-" Ryan points at Graham's head. "-that is weird."

"What is weird?"

"You just look like a cat frustrated because it can't get into a bag."

Graham stops what he's doing in an instant and sits on his haunches. "It's not my fault I don't have thumbs."

"Graham," Yaz begins. "We don't know what is going to happen or how long this will last for, and as I was saying to Ryan, you might need certain things."

"Okay, that I get," Graham nods. "But I can't see why I would need a scratching post."

"You have claws."

Graham lifts a paw and extends his pads, watching as the little claws poke out. "I might have claws, but that don't mean I'm gonna use a post like a cat."

"Fine, but it doesn't hurt to have one."

"Fair point," Graham agrees reluctantly. "What else did you get?" He looks at Yaz, and he waits for an answer she doesn't want to give. "Yaz-"

"Cat food."

"You can bugger off with that."

"Oi," Ryan points at Graham. "That's rude."

"I am not eating cat food," Graham declares as pushes past Ryan and heads into the living room. "I'd rather starve than eat that."

Yaz follows in after. "But Graham, you might not be able to just survive of ham-"

"Who said anything about just eating ham?" Graham turns and glares at her, tail swishing violently. "And where is the bleeding Doc?"

"She went back to the TARDIS to get some books from a guy she met, something about popping back in time, I dunno, wasn't really listening to her," Graham huffs and proceeds into the kitchen. He eyes the counter. "What are you doing, gramps?"

"Figuring out how to jump-"

"I can just-"

"If you pick me up I will bite you."

"You're a real asshole as a cat," Ryan points out. "And grumpy."

Graham slow blinks at Ryan before turning back to the side once again. He thinks he has it, shouldn't take much to jump up. With a deep breath, he jumps, eyes screwed shut and only opening when he feels the counter on his paws and the sound of multiple items hitting the floor in varying degrees of loudness. "I did it."

"You knocked over a bunch of stuff, though," Ryan moans. "Stuff I'm gonna have to pick up."

"But I did it," Graham corrects proudly. "Now-" He makes his way over to the fridge and paws at the seal, pushing with all his might to open it.

"What is he doing?" Yaz voices from the doorway.

"Being weird," Ryan decides.

"I'm trying to open the fridge."

"I can do it-"

"No," Ryan puts his arm across the doorway. "He didn't want me picking him up to help, so he doesn't need help in opening the fridge."

"Yeah, I don't," Graham bites back triumphantly when the door swings open. "See?" He wiggles around the door and looks in, eyes roaming over each item inside and settling on a piece of kitchen towel wrapped cake from Gabe's wife. He hums, trying to decide how to go about this without making a fool of himself.

And without having to ask Ryan or Yaz to help.

Okay, he thinks he has it.

Graham stretches his body so he can fully climb into the fridge to stand on the little edge inside. He pushes his head to the chocolate cake and bites it, making sure to hold it securely in his mouth as he turns back around again. He glances around the kitchen, eyes locking onto the table and making the rough idea for the jump.

Easy.

He leaps from the fridge and lands on the table, skidding slightly and scratching the surface of the table, but he's not bothered. Graham drops his prize and allows it to unravel with glee.

He has his cake, and he is going to eat-

"No, Graham," Yaz rushes forward and snatches the cake from the table. "You can't eat that."

Graham whines, the sound coming out more like a cat rather than a human. "I went to all that effort-"

"It's a chocolate cake, Graham," Yaz holds it away from him. "You can't eat chocolate or dairy; it's not good for you."

"I can if I want."

"Not if it kills you," Yaz explains with a frustrated sigh. "You might be human in here-" She points to his head. "-But you're not human here," She gestures at his body. "And cats can't have chocolate."

"Well, that's stupid," Graham complains. "What else can't I have?"

"Uh-" Ryan fishes out his phone and quickly googles it. "Oh, you ain't gonna like that."

"What?"

Ryan shows his phone to Yaz, who silently agrees with his assessment on the matter. "No tea for you."

"Oh, pull the other one, Ryan, it's a cup of tea, what harm could it do?"

"Better not to risk it, eh Graham?" Yaz tries to placate the human-cat man. "There's other stuff you can eat-"

"Like, what?" Graham glares at her with all the fury a six-month-year-old kitten can muster. "Whiskas?"

"No-"

"You said you got cat food."

Yaz rolls her eyes and exits the kitchen. A moment later she returns with a black box. "I browsed all of the cat food they had and found this one," She places the box on the table. "It's 75% chicken, with rice and chicken stock, seemed human enough for you."

"It's still cat food though."

"You could at least smell it?" Ryan suggests.

"Yeah," Yaz nods. She makes her way over to where she knows Graham keeps his plates and begins plating it up. "Just smell it and then decide if you want to eat it."

Graham scowls at her and then the plate with the chicken strands. "It looks horrid."

"Well, it ain't gonna be a five-course meal, gramps," Ryan points out like it's obvious. "And hell, it doesn't look that bad, I think I've eaten worse on nights out with my mates."

"Go away then."

"What?"

"If I am going to smell this and maybe eat it then I don't want you two doughnuts watching me like I'm some kind of freak."

"You're not a freak, Graham," Yaz reassures. "Don't call yourself that."

Graham goes to speak again only to stop when the smell hits his nose. "Oh, god."

"What?"

Graham's eyes close because damn it, it does smell good. "I'm gonna hate myself for this, I just know I am-" He complains as he approaches the food and nibbles at it.

Ryan shares a look with Yaz before facing Graham again. "How is it?"

Graham looks at Ryan with a withering glare. "If I find you have taken a picture of this at any point and put it on your youtubes then I will make your life a living hell."

"Big threats from a man who is a foot tall."

"Ryan!"

"What?" Ryan says. "He's been a grumpy threatening asshat; I shouldn't have to deal with his attitude 'cos he's a damn cat right now."

"All right, that is fair," Yaz agrees. "Graham, I know this is hard for you, but we're trying to help you."

"And you are being horrid about it."

Graham leans away from the tasty smelling food and looks between Yaz and Ryan. "I have, haven't I?"

"Just a bit-"

"Try a lot."

"Argh," Graham winces. "I'm sorry, guys, I didn't mean to be like that."

"It's fine."

"Is it?" Graham retorts. "Yeah, I might be, uh, not myself physically, but I am myself mentally, and I have been a royal dickhead to you two."

"We'll start over then," Yaz suggests. "Find things you like doing while also figuring out things that you can still do that you like, sounds fair?"

"Yeah," Graham nods. "Sounds good, now-"

"What?"

"Can I eat this in peace?"

"You like it then?"

If Graham could turn bright red, he would right about now. "Unfortunately so it seems," He sighs. "Because, of course, I would like it."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about like never updating but i had a million other things on the go and kinda wrote myself into a hole where i didn't know how to get out of

Well, the food turned out to be far nicer than Graham ever expected it to be. It tasted like chicken, or well, whatever chicken tastes like to a cat anyway 'cos it was unmistakably different compared to a human.

Maybe it was the increased sense of smell that made it taste more chickeny? Is that even a thing?

Either way, Graham doesn't know, but at least he's full now, and at least Ryan and Yaz left him alone to eat his lunch.

Which begs the question.

Where did they go?

His eyes narrow at the kitchen door before turning towards the floor.

"Okay, jumping down, Graham son, you can do it," He encourages himself as he hops from the table, hitting the floor with his paws quite successfully in his opinion anyway. "See, wasn't so hard."

He turns his attention to finding Yaz and Ryan now and pads from the kitchen, tail unknowingly in the air and curved. "I've finished my lunch now."

Ryan glances up to where Graham's eye line would typically be before realising and looking down to the floor instead. "All of it?"

Graham tilts his head. "Yes," He looks around Ryan's legs and narrows his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Putting together some stuff for you-" Yaz helpfully informs in. "-it's not much."

Graham huffs when he catches sight of the scratching post, now screwed together and placed on the floor. "I am not a cat, I've told you this."

"You might not be a cat, but we're gonna have people coming around, and they'd wonder why we don't have a scratching post."

"I don't want people coming around," Graham frowns up at Ryan. "Who is coming around?"

"Well, no one at the moment," Ryan rubs the back of his neck. "Why don't you just try the post?"

"No."

"Graham-"

Graham huffs again and moodily stomps to the post. "What do I even do with it?"

"Scratch it-"

"Oh, that's really helpful," Graham grunts, annoyed that they're making him try it. "Right, so I'll just do what my old cat did then-" He reaches out a paw and runs it down the tightly woven string, head tilting when it feels somewhat pleasant to run his claws over it. "Oh."

"Oh?"

Graham chooses to ignore Ryan's baffled 'Oh?' and instead runs his claws down the post, scratching it with glee.

"I think he likes it," Yaz mentions to Ryan with a raised eyebrow. "Looks like a proper cat."

"Uh-huh," Ryan blinks at Graham, watching him in surprise. "Did you think about the other thing? You know, the-" He makes an awkward gesture with his hands.

"What thing- Oh, that," Yaz understands after a moment. "No, and it's better he remembers when he needs to go."

"What?" Graham stops mid scratch, narrowed eyes aimed at the pair of them suspiciously. "What are you two planning?"

"There's one issue we haven't covered, but that can wait, and uh-" Yaz reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a small metal cat tag. "-we should put this on your collar in case someone finds you or something."

"What does it say?"

"It has Ryan's number on it," Yaz looks at the tag while she speaks. "And a name-" She catches Graham's eyes widening. "-they wanted a name when I requested it, but we never really planned one so I panicked and, well-" She leans down and lets Graham read the tag. "-don't be mad about it."

"West Ham?" Graham reads from the tag. "You called me West Ham?"

"Well, I was just thinking about what you liked, and it was the only thing that came into my head, I'm sorry-"

"No, no," Graham's tail perks up, excited and very cat-like. "West Ham, I like it, and there is Ham in it, you know, like my actual name, Graham, just call me Ham."

"I am not calling you Ham."

"Well, you can hardly call me Graham, can you, son?" Graham counters. "Because people will be wondering why you have a grandad called Graham, who then named his cat Graham as well, Ham works, and West Ham is even better."

He turns back to the post and pulls his claws free and walks over to Yaz. "You can take the collar off and put it on it."

"Sure?" Yaz makes sure, accepting the little nod for a yes. She carefully removes the collar and begins fixing the tag to it.

"So, we can't understand you now, can we?" Ryan asks Graham.

"Doubt it."

"Yeah, no, we can't 'cos that was just two meows," Ryan settles himself down in the nearest chair which happens to be Graham's personal chair, the one he received from the Doctor after the little incident on new years. "Which means he can't moan at me for sitting in his chair."

"Hey," Graham turns and faces him. "That's my seat, get out of it, you're going to mess up the cushions."

Ryan smirks at Graham as he settles into the comfortable chair. "Sorry, I don't understand cat-"

"You're a prat," Graham scowls at Ryan. "Yaz-" He faces the younger woman, eyes pleading with her. "-tell him to get out of my chair before he ruins it!"

"Ryan," Yaz sighs as she looks up at him. "Get out of Graham's chair."

"I'm not doing anything-"

"Don't be mean, Ryan, that's still his chair," Yaz reminds him. "Let Graham have it."

Ryan rolls his eyes and huffs as he gets up, gesturing for Graham to take the seat which he does. He turns in a circle before flopping down comfortably. "Happy?"

"Now I am, yeah," Graham replies in a few meows.

"Right, got it," Yaz makes her way over to Graham. "Can I put it back on you now?" Graham nods once more, and she quickly fashions the collar around his furry neck. "How's that?"

"Perfect, cockle," Graham replies happily. He glances towards the clock on the wall. "It's coming up to four," He frowns. "Did I really sleep for that long when I got back?"

"Couple of hours," Ryan shrugs from the sofa he's now claimed. "We left you to it."

"Huh," Graham replies, surprised. "Didn't feel that long, must admit, then again-"

"What?"

Graham glances towards Ryan and Yaz. "Doesn't matter," He decides to not mention the dreams for the time being. "What does matter is that Tipping Point is on soon and I wanna complain about the people on it-"

"You always get yourself wound up while watching it, grandad," Ryan rolls his eyes. "Why do you watch it?"

"Cos-" Graham stares at Ryan. "The questions are easier than they are on Pointless or the Chase-"

"Wait, you watch the Chase?" Yaz can't help but ask with a grin. "Isn't that like watching yourself because you look like the host?"

"What?"

Ryan pinches the bridge of his nose. "Yaz, mate, he doesn't see it at all even though he's been stopped in the street by old women asking for an autograph-"

"I do not look like him!"

"Yeah, you don't," Ryan agrees, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Considering you've grown fur and a tail now-"

"You know that's not what I meant," Graham scowls and turns away from them. "Anyway, turn the television on; I wanna watch it."

"Ask nicely."

"Ryan, please can you turn the television on so I can watch it?"

Ryan nods. "Better," He reaches for the remote and flicks it onto ITV. "This will be Graham for the next two hours now, Yaz."

Yaz chuckles and settles herself on the sofa next to Ryan. "Good thing I have the day off," She decides. "This is far more interesting than parking disputes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bradley walsh existing in the whoniverse is canon


End file.
